Cancel the Narcissist!

In recent years, there has been a surge of information encouraging people to “escape narcissistic people.” While this trend claims to promote personal healing and growth, it carries dangerous implications, particularly when analyzed through the lens of Scripture and sound psychological principles. As a psychiatrist and Christian leader, I want to address six concerns about this movement and offer a biblical response to each.

1. Unqualified diagnosis leads to sinful judgment:

The core problem of this movement is that it allows people to diagnose others as narcissists without the training or insight to do so. This leads to wrongful judgment, which is both unbiblical and damaging

Jesus warns against judgment in Matthew 7:1-5, saying, “Judge not, that you be not judged…

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” God calls us to humility and self-examination, not to rashly label others based on limited understanding.

2. Victim Mindset, Diverts Responsibility and lowers chances of healing relationships:

One of the central appeals of this movement is that it allows people to identify themselves as victims of someone else’s “narcissism.” While legitimate abuse and trauma must be acknowledged and addressed, labeling oneself a victim can also be a trap both psychologically and spiritually. Victimhood promotes self pity and throwing blames diverting the attention from self reflection hence lowering chances of restoring relationships.

The Bible calls us to take responsibility for our lives and respond to challenges with God’s help.

Galatians 6:5 reminds us, “For each will have to bear his own load.” Identifying as a perpetual victim can hinder personal growth and spiritual maturity. Rather than adopting a victim mindset, we are encouraged to turn to Christ, who empowers us to overcome challenges “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

3. Resentment Blocks Forgiveness and promotes hatred

The narratives promoted in this movement often leave individuals with unresolved negative emotions such as anger, hatred, and resentment.

These feelings, if left unchecked, can poison the heart and prevent healing.

Scripture emphasizes the importance of forgiveness. Ephesians 4:31-32 teaches, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you… Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Harboring resentment only prolongs personal suffering and distances us from God’s peace.

4. Giving Up on Relationships Is Unbiblical The movement often encourages people to abandon relationships that seem difficult or draining. While there are times when separation may be a necessary consideration (e.g., in cases of legitimate abuse), many relationships are worth fighting for by mutual self reflection, repentance and reconciliation through Christ.

Scripture calls us to persevere in relationships and pursue reconciliation wherever possible.

Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” In Matthew 5:23-24 Jesus teaches that reconciliation is a priority, urging believers to settle conflicts even before offering worship to God “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

5. Breaking Down Bonds Opposes God’s Design for Unity

Whether in friendships, marriages, or families, relationships are sacred and should reflect God’s love and unity. The trend of breaking ties with others because they are deemed “toxic” or

“narcissistic” undermines this divine design.

God values relationships and unity among His people. Malachi 2:16 highlights the seriousness of breaking covenantal bonds, particularly in marriage, saying, “I hate divorce, says the Lord.” While some relationships may need boundaries, God’s heart is for restoration, not division.

“Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation,”

6. Passive Aggression and Relational

Destruction Are Ungodly

The teachings in this movement often encourage passive-aggressive behavior, such as silent treatment, coldness or indirect retaliation, which escalates conflict rather than resolving it. This approach contradicts the biblical call to address issues with love and truth.

God calls us to handle conflicts directly and lovingly. Matthew 18:15 outlines a clear process for resolving disputes: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” This approach fosters understanding, repentance, and reconciliation rather than perpetuating division. 

In conclusion, I urge caution against blindly following this movement. While it may be intended for good, it is evident that Satan is using it to undermine Christian families and friendships. While establishing healthy boundaries and addressing abusive behavior is important, we must also be vigilant against ideologies that promote division, judgment, and unforgiveness.

We are called by Christ to approach relationships with wisdom, humility, and love.

By grounding our actions and attitudes in Scripture, we can navigate difficult relationships in a way that honors God and fosters healing for ourselves and others.

The “escape narcissists” trend, though well-meaning in some aspects, ultimately opposes biblical teachings on relationships and forgiveness. As Christians, we are called to rise above cultural trends and follow God’s way, which emphasizes love, reconciliation, and grace. Let us resist the urge to judge or label others and instead commit to reflecting the love of Christ in all our relationships.

Fr. Luke Istafanous